Poem – Who Is My Employee?

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the nation,
Plaintiffs’ lawyers were alleging independent contractor misclassification;

The businesses’ owners hung by their lawyers with care,
In hopes they could prove that all claims were threadbare;

The workers were all independent contractors, we said,
But the plaintiff was claiming to be an employee instead.

Contracts were reviewed; deposition transcripts were read,
And visions of a dismissal entry danced in our heads.

The judge in her robe, and I in my suit,
Feeling confident our side could win this dispute—

We argued that the facts proved no right to control;
None of the workers were on the payroll.

They could bring their own tools and could hire assistants;
They had formed LLCs and had other means for subsistence.

They only accepted the jobs they desired;
They never were hired. No application required.

We felt pretty good that when the facts were applied,
The judge would agree that no contractors were misclassified.

We filed our motion for summary judgment and waited.
The ruling was issued, and we all were elated.

The court weighed the factors. Nothing was missed.
The workers were contractors. Case dismissed.

Thank you, dear readers. I hope you like what I write.
Happy Christmas (and Hanukkah) to all, and to all a good night!

Who Is My Employee?