I received an email this week from a worker claiming he was “Miss Classified.” I did not know there was a pageant for that, but I suppose congratulations were probably due. I politely responded that I only represent companies, not individuals, in disputes relating to independent contractor misclassification, and I wished him luck.

But then I started thinking, What if there was a pageant? What would it take to be crowned Miss Classified?

I came up with a few criteria.

To be named Miss Classified, a contestant would probably have a job that requires her to work a set daily schedule, with little flexibility. She’d have to ask a supervisor for time off (including to enter this pageant).

A fixed schedule suggests employment when assessing Independent Contractor vs. Employee, so I’d award that contestant a point toward becoming Miss Classified. If the supervisor denies the request for time off, I’d award an extra point toward Miss Classified status — but sadly, if denied the day off, this worthy contestant might not show up for the pageant. [🤔]

I’d award another point toward being named Miss Classified if she uses company tools and equipment. If she does office work, she’d get points if she uses someone else’s desk and computer, performs her work at the company’s primary place of business, and has a company badge. I’d award bonus points if she has a company email address.

Instead of a swimsuit competition, I’d have contestants reveal what they wear to work. Anyone wearing a swimsuit is at the wrong pageant and would be asked to leave. But anyone wearing company uniform or logo would get a point. I’d have an exception, though. If the company shirt says “Company – Authorized Contractor,” no points.

For the talent portion of the Miss Classified pageant, I’d ask candidates how they learned their special skill. I’d award no points to anyone who became licensed and trained on their own time and on their own dime. But if they learned their craft from the company they are working for, I’d award a point toward being named Miss Classified. If the company paid for the license or training, I’d award another point.

My pageant would have a monetary award for the winner (let’s just call it damages), but before awarding any economic prizes, I’d ask the contestants about their current financial situation. Are you economically reliant on one company for all your compensation? If yes, two points. That’s a candidate who might be worthy of the title Miss Classified.

On the other hand, a candidate gets no points if she performs work for several companies and advertises her services in the marketplace. Anyone using a personal business card and website to advertise her services to the public gets no points. Anyone who is simultaneously working for one company and that company’s direct competitors will be disqualified from the competition. That person is probably not Miss Classified.

I’d hold my competition in California. That would be the most likely place for someone to be named Miss Classified. California has all sorts of state laws that would influence the outcome of my competition.

I’d have Simon Cowell judge. Not for any good reason though. I just think that would be good for ratings.

And the winner is … hopefully not anyone performing services for your company!

(In case you were wondering, this would NOT be the among the world’s strangest pageants. But these are.)

© 2017 Todd Lebowitz, posted on WhoIsMyEmployee.com, Exploring Issues of Independent Contractor Misclassification and Joint Employment. All rights reserved.